Vista California Family Law Blog

REMEMBERING FRANCINE HUGHES AND THE "BURNING BED" DEFENSE

sbmedearisesq@msn.com (Steven Medearis) — Wed, 04 Oct 2017 15:56:17 GMT

The "burning bed" defense would forever change the way domestic violence was viewed. A legal strategy served as a catalyst for all legislation regarding domestic abuse. Equally as important, it would also establish the way law enforcement approaches the criminal act.

Francine Wilson went to trial for killing her abusive husband in a landmark spousal abuse case that became the subject of a book and television movie, "The Burning Bed."

Wilson passed away on March 22 of complications from pneumonia at the age of 69.

In 1977, Wilson, whose last name was then Hughes, took the life of her husband, James "Mickey" Hughes, in 1977 by setting fire to their bed while he slept.

Her testimony at trial painted a grim picture of the horrors she endured at the hands of her husband. Arjen Greydanus, Wilson's defense attorney, said that the account she gave the jury was effective in her being found not guilty due to temporary insanity.

At the time, temporary insanity was not a recognized defense. Greydanus was certain that a traditional self-defense approach would not have resulted in a not-guilty verdict.

The case captured the attention of the nation. Wilson's story became the subject of a book and a 1984 TV movie "The Burning Bed" starring Farrah Fawcett. Greydanus' legal "hook" became well known as the "burning-bed" defense.

Jim Hughes, Wilson's son, recalled the bad times that outweighed the good. As a child, he could only watch as the police showed up at the family home, only to leave without doing anything. His mom would be battered and bloody after his father threatened her life.

He also recalled that after the trial, book and movie, his mother was ready to put it all behind her. She considered that chapter of her life over.

Wilson would eventually remarry and move to Tennessee before settling in Alabama, working as a licensed practical nurse.

The Many Things You Can Do To Prepare For Divorce

sbmedearisesq@msn.com (Steven Medearis) — Fri, 08 Sep 2017 00:00:00 GMT

There is no way to be 100 percent prepared for the divorce process. Even if you have a solid grasp of what this will entail, there are sure to be challenges along the way.

There are many things you can do to prepare for divorce, which can help you make the right decisions as the process moves forward.

Here are some of the top steps to take :

Get professional help. There are many types of professionals who can assist you during this difficult time, ranging from an attorney to a tax professional.
Review your finances. You need to know where you stand with respect to your finances. This includes everything from the amount of money you earn to how much debt you are carrying.
Open your own accounts. Now that your marriage is just about over, you need to open your own accounts. This can include a bank account, retirement account and credit cards, among others.
Make changes to your estate plan. This is one of the most overlooked things that you can do to prepare for divorce. Your estate plan will need some adjustments now that you will be single in the near future.

Along with this, you need to prepare for what the future could bring with respect to your children (if you have any). Address questions such as:

Where will your children live?
How will you ensure that you remain a big part of their life?
Will you owe child support?
Are you in position to receive child support?

Answering these questions will give you a clear idea of what to expect down the road.

It is hard to prepare for divorce , as you don't know what will happen as the weeks and months go by. Even so, you should do whatever you can to put yourself on the right track. This will improve the likelihood of a smooth and efficient process.

Types Of Domestic Violence You May Not Know About

sbmedearisesq@msn.com (Steven Medearis) — Wed, 06 Sep 2017 00:00:00 GMT

Understanding the types of domestic violence in California can help you determine if you are a victim of this form of abuse. While most people recognize that physical abuse is not okay, there are other forms that are less common, but just as destructive. We at the Law Office of Steven Medearis have outlined some types that are not as well-known so that you can get help if you are caught in a dangerous relationship.

According to American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress, your partner can actually commit spiritual abuse by controlling your family's religious preferences. If he or she ridicules you, prevents you from practicing or forces beliefs that you do not agree with onto your children, this is considered spiritual abuse. Manipulating you with spiritual beliefs is also wrong.

Other forms of abuse can concern your economic or financial situation. If your partner demands that you choose a certain occupation or prevents you from working altogether, you may be experiencing this type of abuse. This can also happen if your partner withholds shelter, clothes, food or other physical resources from you as punishment or an incentive. Other more obvious forms of financial abuse are stealing or withholding money.

Many people do not realize that their partner can be charged with stalking, but certain actions are illegal, even within a marriage. If your spouse unexpectedly shows up at your work to check on you, goes through your garbage, repeatedly calls you or tries to get information about you from your family members or friends, this can be considered stalking. For more information on domestic violence, please visit our web page.

What Affects Child Custody Decisions

sbmedearisesq@msn.com (Steven Medearis) — Fri, 01 Sep 2017 00:00:00 GMT

California parents who are splitting up will have to deal with issues of child custody. If you're going into a custody battle, you'll need to know what sort of factors can determine who is awarded primary custody, and what might be a strike against you if you're trying to win it.

The Spruce lists out a number of different factors that courts take into consideration when determining how to deal with child custody . Some are obvious factors, such as whether or not you have a criminal history or any felonies on your record. Your physical and mental health will also be taken into consideration, as there are some situations in which one parent may not be considered fit to raise a child on their own by the courts.

The interpersonal relationships in your family will also likely be scrutinized. For example, how well you and your ex-spouse can get along will be examined. Your closeness with the child in question may be looked at as well. Consistency and provisional capabilities are also big factors. For example, if you were taking care of your child for the majority of your relationship, the judge may vote for this to continue for the sake of normalcy. If you have the ability to financially provide for your child in a better way than your ex-spouse, this may also be considered.

In the end, no two cases of child custody are determined in the same way. It's all up to your unique dynamic as a family, and your relationships with one another.

Protecting Your Child's Health Through Divorce

sbmedearisesq@msn.com (Steven Medearis) — Fri, 25 Aug 2017 00:00:00 GMT

When many in California think of divorce, often thoughts of a contentious battle between spouses come to mind. Yet divorcing couples across the country are trying to change the face of divorcing families in order to protect their children.

As USA Today reports, an increasing number of divorcing spouses are looking for ways to keep the peace so the family unit remains close to unchanged. This may look like a divorced couple becoming neighbors so their children can walk between houses or the entire family celebrating the holidays together. While this is not a solution for couples where there is abuse involved, many couples splitting up are able to put their feelings aside for the kids and remain in amicable communication.

When this is possible, a new study suggests that it can benefit the children's long-term health. According to reports from Reuters, research from Carnegie Mellon University found links between bitter divorces and lower immune responses in adults whose parents divorced in their childhood. After quarantining 201 healthy adults who were exposed to a common cold virus, the researchers monitored the adults for signs of respiratory illness. The participants who had parents divorce in childhood and stop speaking to one another were 3.3 times as likely to develop a cold than those who had parents who stayed together. Those who had their parents divorce as children but remain in contact had no increased risk of contracting the virus. The participants whose parents had bitter divorces also showed increased signs of inflammation, which researchers believe could be part of the reason they contracted the virus.

This study is part of a growing body of work showing that children of divorce suffer health effects. However, this is the first study to suggest that the level of acrimony in the divorce could actually be a significant factor for the children involved.

The Uniformed Services Former Spouse's Protection Act

sbmedearisesq@msn.com (Steven Medearis) — Thu, 17 Aug 2017 00:00:00 GMT

There are many aspects of a military divorce in California that can make the entire process more complicated. Constant changes in schedules due to deployment and other duty requirements can be seen as a drawback, but there are also some benefits that can be found in this type of divorce. We at the Law Office of Steven Medearis can explain the Uniformed Services Former Spouse's Protection Act and how it can help you.

According to the Defense Finance and Accounting Service, the fact that you had a spouse in the military does not automatically qualify you to receive payment under the USFSPA. When you are completing the negotiations of a dissolution, annulment, divorce or legal separation and determining property division, the final court order must include payment of a portion of your ex-spouse's retirement pay as awarded by the judge. If this is done, you will be entitled to receive a portion of this fund.

While many former couples qualify for enforcement by the Act, there are several situations that do not meet requirements. In some cases, your entitlement to the retirement pay can be covered under the USFSPA, even if your divorce happened decades ago. Some court orders that were issued before June 26,1981, can still be eligible if all qualifications of the Act are met.

If your ex-spouse refuses to deliver the payments according to the prescribed timing, the USFSPA dictates how you can enforce the order with help from the Department of Defense. For more information on the best ways to handle a military divorce, please visit our web page.

What's The Difference Between Alimony And Child Support?

sbmedearisesq@msn.com (Steven Medearis) — Fri, 11 Aug 2017 00:00:00 GMT

Finances are just one of many concerns that divorcing parents in California must deal with. Primary custody parents will have to adjust to raising a child largely on their own, while the parent without primary custody may have to make several different types of support payments.

HowStuffWorks.com shows that alimony and child support are two entirely different types of support payments. Child support payments are intended to go toward the child and only the child. They usually help with things like medicines, doctor visits, school, extracurricular activities, and other things that may enrich your child's life. Alimony, on the other hand, is used to help buffer your ex-spouse's finances because they aren't used to living with only their own income. The amount of money you may have to pay for both can vary depending on the financial situations of you and your spouse.

You may have to pay both alimony and child support. However, child support payments will stop when the child reaches the age of 18 or 21, depending on state laws and the agreement. Additionally, it's usually the spouse with a higher paycheck that's required to make alimony payments. If you're the one with a lower income, then this may not be required of you. It should also be noted that alimony payments are tax deductibles. Child support payments are not.

In any case, these payments can be adjusted according to fairness. If you feel as though you're being unfairly saddled with payments that you can't afford to make, you may wish to see a legal professional who can help you determine what can be done to balance the financial situation.

Do These Things Before Telling Your Child About Your Divorce

sbmedearisesq@msn.com (Steven Medearis) — Wed, 09 Aug 2017 00:00:00 GMT

If you and your spouse decide to move forward with the divorce process, it's important that you do so in a responsible manner.

In the event that you have a child together, you'll need to discuss this with him or her at some point (as long as they are old enough to know what is happening).

While there is nothing easy about discussing divorce with your child, there are some steps you can take to plan for this:

Write out what you want to say. This is one of the most important things you can do, as it will help keep the conversation on track from start to finish.
Pick the right time and place. You don't want to have this conversation on a whim. Instead, schedule a time and place that makes sense for you, your child and your spouse (if he or she will be present).
Think like your child. Forget about thinking like an adult for the time being. You should put yourself in your child's shoes, as this can help you formulate a better strategy.
Answer every question. Your child is sure to have questions, so make sure you do whatever it takes to provide an answer. It's not always easy to answer questions during this time, but you need to do so if you want to help your child process what is going on.
Be honest. This is not a time to lie to your child. Be open and honest as to what is going on.

These are just a few of the many things you can do before telling your child about divorce , as well as when you are in the midst of the conversation.

Remember this: Your marriage may be over, but you still want to do what is best for your child. If your ex-spouse attempts to stop you from doing just that, you will need to consider your legal options. You don't want your relationship with your child to die.

Understanding Child Custody

sbmedearisesq@msn.com (Steven Medearis) — Thu, 03 Aug 2017 00:00:00 GMT

California couples who have children and are thinking about divorce should be be aware of the laws regarding child custody. Findlaw.com explains that the overriding concern of California courts is the best interests of the child . This means that courts take into consideration such things as the age, physical and emotional health, and school and community ties of each child in determining what is best for him or her. In addition, they look at the history, if any, of family abuse or neglect.

There are two kinds of child custody as stated by the California court system. Legal custody pertains to which parent makes the important decisions regarding the education, health care, and welfare of the child. Such decisions include schooling or child care, sports and other extracurricular activities, religious affiliation and activities, and vacations and other travel. Physical custody refers to which parent the child lives with.

Both legal and physical custody can be sole or joint. As the word implies, divorced couples sharing joint legal custody both have the right to make important decisions regarding their children. Parents sharing joint physical custody each have the opportunity for the children to live with them. Such time need not be exactly half-and-half. Children generally spend more time with one parent, called the primary custodial parent, because of practical considerations. Sometimes, depending on a variety of circumstances, a judge will grant joint legal custody, but sole physical custody. Both parents thus have a say in important decisions about the children, but they live with one parent only, although the noncustodial parent has visitation in most such situations.

If a substantial change occurs in the personal circumstances of a parent or in the needs of the child after the initial custody order has been issued, either parent can request the court to modify it. The court will once again consider the best interests of the child before making any modifications.

Recantation Often Occurs In DV Cases

sbmedearisesq@msn.com (Steven Medearis) — Tue, 01 Aug 2017 00:00:00 GMT

On June 23, 2017, a district attorney in California was arrested on charges of domestic misdemeanor battery , according to a July 5 story by the Los Angeles Times. The Pomona police incident report states that authorities had responded to a call of domestic disturbance. Upon arrival at the family home, the wife initially informed police she had been struck on the arm by her husband. However, as the police began to place her husband under arrest, the wife “began to frame the incident as a misunderstanding.” Although the wife did not want the husband prosecuted, he was taken into custody. While it is not clear that the wife here recanted her statement to the police, the incident does prompt questions about recantation in domestic violence cases.

According to the National District Attorneys Association, recantation occurs in 75 percent of domestic violence cases . Victims in family violence cases may also attempt to avoid prosecution of violent family members, assume blame for related circumstances or downplay the seriousness of altercations. These efforts are anomalous when considering other criminal cases due to the close personal relationship between the victim and the offender. After evaluating the consequences their statements may have on a family member who has been violent, many victims who want to avoid the prosecution and conviction of loved ones seek to recant their statements because it appears to be “the safest and most prudent course of action.”

Statements and testimony should not be procured through abuse of the legal process. Likewise, recantation of statements should be made only where appropriate under the law, without intimidation, threat or coercion of any kind.

One-Day Divorces And Self-Help May Not Be Best For Baby Boomers

sbmedearisesq@msn.com (Steven Medearis) — Tue, 25 Jul 2017 00:00:00 GMT

San Diego was featured in a New York Times article in 2014 as being one of the first municipalities to offer a one-day divorce program in California . In that article, it was reported that about 75 percent of all persons applying in family law court for some type of relief are not represented by attorneys. To obtain a free divorce in a single day may be a very appealing option for individuals without significant disagreements over parenting plans, debts, and equitable distribution of property. Such programs are certainly an improvement over the purchase of do-it-yourself forms because litigants are shepherded through the process by a family law expert. However, as reported by the New York Times, one woman who proceeded to file papers pro se learned after subsequently consulting with an attorney that she was entitled to her husband’s pension benefits. Proceeding pro se or through a court-aided one-day program would not have provided that woman with the advocacy, as well as the expertise, necessary to obtain those benefits.

Matters relating to alimony, pensions, retirement, and real estate are often very complicated for self-represented litigants to navigate, at best, and legal minefields, at worst. Yet, these are some of the issues most likely to be at the heart of divorces involving Baby Boomers.

According to a recent study published by the Pew Research Center, divorce rates have risen 109 percent among parties ages 50 and older since 1990. Many parties, who are often proficient in the use of the Internet, can find legal forms and learn about divorce-related issues through the many self-help resources available. However, as mentioned, divorces between more established parties often involve a more complex array of property and income issues. Even one-day divorce programs may not be the best choice for parties whose marriages are irretrievably broken because, while parties are apparently ready for an amicable dissolution, their property and alimony interests could lead to significant inequity without the help of competent counsel.

Are Child Support Payments Modifiable?

sbmedearisesq@msn.com (Steven Medearis) — Wed, 12 Jul 2017 00:00:00 GMT

As a parent who's raising a child of divorce in California, you may be relying on child support payments to help cover the cost of raising your family. But what if your situation, or the situation of your ex-spouse, changes dramatically?

Child support payments can, in fact, be modified. The Spruce states that there are many different factors that can lead up to you needing to request a child support payment modification . Most of them involve the income of you or your ex-spouse. The top reasons for modification requests include:

Decreased income
Increased income or substantial inheritance
A change in family dynamics
A child growing older

In the case of the latter, as a child grows older, you'll likely need to spend more money on them as they get more involved with extracurricular activities, social activities, and academics. This may require an increase in child support payments.

Changes in family dynamics can also lead to a modification request. For example, if the parent who pays child support remarries and has other children to provide for, the child support may be lowered. It may also be lowered if you remarry and are able to draw from a different financial source to help support your child.

In the end, courts try to keep child support payments as fair as possible. Because your situation or the situation of your ex-spouse will likely not stay the same over time, it's important to allow for modifications to be made to the support payment arrangement when necessary.

Jurisdiction Matters When You File A Military Divorce

sbmedearisesq@msn.com (Steven Medearis) — Wed, 12 Jul 2017 00:00:00 GMT

It was always your dream to be in the military, and your spouse came with you in support. Over time, you could tell that the lifestyle was affecting how your spouse lived and worked, but you thought everything was fine.

It was a shock when your spouse said she wanted to get a divorce. You didn't think you were fighting or struggling in the marriage at all. Despite that, it's what she wants, so now you need to look into what you can do to protect your assets during divorce .

Determining jurisdiction

The first part of a military divorce is deciding which state has the authority to deal with it. Not all states have jurisdiction. Usually, the state where the filing spouse resides, where you're stationed or where you claim legal residency determines the state's jurisdiction. Multiple states may have jurisdiction, and in that case, it's in your best interests to file in the state with the most efficient and effective divorce laws.

Protecting your military assets

One asset in particular that you'll want to protect is your military pension. You took time to join the military because you knew it would support your retirement, among other reasons. Now, you could lose a portion of that pension to your spouse if she tries to claim it. State courts have the ability to treat your pension as sole or community property, depending on the state, which is why you should file for divorce in the state with laws that protect you the most.

Generally speaking, if your marriage of at least 10 years has overlapped 10 years of military service, your spouse may be entitled to a portion of your pension. Despite that rule, the courts can determine that your spouse deserves a portion of the pension even if your marriage wasn't that long or did not meet the 10-year rule.

These are a few things to consider while you begin your divorce. Step one is to choose the best state to file, and from there, you can work to protect your assets.

How Can I Collect Spousal Support From An Uncooperative Spouse?

sbmedearisesq@msn.com (Steven Medearis) — Thu, 06 Jul 2017 00:00:00 GMT

If you have recently been through a divorce in California, you may be encountering some unexpected difficulties after the judge declared your marriage officially dissolved. One of those can be issues collecting spousal support from your ex-spouse. While the court may have ordered payments of a certain amount to be made, your ex-spouse may be refusing to pay the full amount or, in some cases, any at all.

According to the California Court System, your local child support agency will only be involved if child support payments have been ordered and you have requested their assistance. If you are receiving solely spousal support and no child support, you will need to collect payment through other methods.

Many judges will require your ex-spouse’s wages to be garnished. This means that his or her employer will automatically take the spousal support amount out of the paycheck before it is issued. There are a few potential problems with this method, including that fact that it will be the employer’s responsibility to withhold and deliver the spousal support payments. If the employer will not cooperate, you may have to take him or her to court. Also, your ex-spouse must be receiving a regular paycheck in order for this arrangement to work. If you are not receiving payments, legal help may be required.

If you have not been receiving regular payments, you may be owed back-payments. The courts have decreed that these past due amounts will also accrue interest that should be paid to you. This information is intended for your education and should not be considered legal advice.

What Is Considered Domestic Violence In California?

sbmedearisesq@msn.com (Steven Medearis) — Thu, 29 Jun 2017 00:00:00 GMT

Sometimes, there are situations in which California residents such as yourself may end up living with an abuser. However, it's not uncommon for victims in these cases to be uncertain if what they're dealing with really is abuse, and you may be dealing with the same uncertainties.

The Judicial Branch of California states that domestic violence can be physical or verbal , and that it takes place between people who share some sort of intimate relationship. This can include:

Roommates or people who live together
Family members
Married or dating couples
Domestic partners

Domestic violence can include both threat and action. For example, if you have ever been sexually assaulted or physically harmed either recklessly or intentionally, this is considered domestic violence under California state law.

Threat can also count as domestic violence. Your aggressor doesn't need to actually lay a hand on you. Non-physical threatening behavior can include harassment, stalking, destruction of your personal property, or threats of physical violence. If you have ever felt genuinely afraid for your wellbeing - or the wellbeing of a child, friend, or another relative - due to the threats of another person, this is also considered to be domestic violence.

Domestic violence often covers a much broader range of actions than most people assume. Any threat of harm to your person and any actual action that has led to your harm counts. Any threat that has not been fulfilled but leaves you fearful counts. If you still doubt whether or not what you have been through is domestic violence, you may benefit from seeking the counsel of an attorney who's well-versed in domestic violence cases.

Is There Anything Child Support Won't Cover?

sbmedearisesq@msn.com (Steven Medearis) — Tue, 20 Jun 2017 00:00:00 GMT

California parents who have been divorced still need to work together to cover the financial expenses of their child. Child support payments can help with some of these expenses, and that's what their purpose is, but can they cover everything or create a perfectly equal division of financial responsibility?

The unfortunate truth is that child support payments don't cover everything. Huffpost states that essential expenses can be covered by these payments, but that many things are left unaccounted for because they aren't directly "necessary". This can include many experiences that are necessary in terms of enrichment, such as:

Yearbooks
Fieldtrips
Uniforms or costumes for plays
Tutors
Extracurricular activities

And this is just for school-aged children. Unfortunately, many of these "additional" expenses aren't taken into consideration when figuring out what child support will or won't cover. That doesn't make them any less valuable, though.

Other events such as prom or parties can also contribute to an enriched childhood, and likewise aren't considered essential. In situations like this, you may feel that you're paying more than your ex-spouse, and you might be. Simply put, the custodial parent will see a lot more of the non-essential purchases that must be made to increase the happiness of your child and give them as many good experiences throughout their childhood as possible.

This doesn't mean that child support payments are unnecessary, of course. They can often contribute to much larger expenses like child care services or insurance. Just be aware of the fact that you may find yourself taking on more of a financial burden than you may initially expect.

5 THINGS NOT TO SAY IN FRONT OF THE KIDS DURING DIVORCE

sbmedearisesq@msn.com (Steven Medearis) — Wed, 14 Jun 2017 00:00:00 GMT

You and your spouse are splitting up. It has nothing to do with the kids. You just both have hectic careers. Your relationship suffered and fell apart. You're both happy it's over.

Be careful how you talk about the divorce process in front of the kids. Below are five things not to say.

1. "Then I have to have the kids."

You're trying to divide up your parenting time. Your spouse asks you to take them during a time you hoped he or she would have them. If you talk about the kids like an obligation, it alienates them. They feel like you don't want them. This can really hurt children who may already mistakenly think they were the reason for the split.

2. "Your mother or father is the worst."

The exact wording here depends what you're saying, but the general rule of thumb is that you don't want to verbally attack your ex. Don't insult him or her. Don't be too critical. Don't force the kids to feel like they have to take sides. No matter how you and your soon-to-be ex feel about each other, keep it to yourself.

3. "We failed."

Parents often feel like they failed when they decide to split up. They assume the marriage failed, the family failed, or they personally failed. Experts note, however, that kids don't look at it this way. Be positive about the future, rather than talking about how you have failed.

4. "Tell your mother or father..."

Parents who don't really want to talk often use children as messengers. This happens after you split up or after you get divorced. It seems easy. You don't want to speak to your significant other, the kids are going to anyway, and so you figure they might as well pass the message on. Don't do it. That puts way too much pressure on the kids and forces them to stay in the middle of your drama.

5. "Tell me what your mother or father is doing."

Don't gossip. Sure, you may want to know if your ex is seeing other people after your divorce. You may want to know how he or she is feeling. You have a lot of questions and you can't ask them directly. Again, though, you don't want to put the kids in the middle. It's not fair to them. Don't use them as a source of gossip.

If handled properly, your divorce can go smoothly. Your relationship with your kids can stay strong. You and your ex can move on with your lives. Be sure you know the best approach to take, what not to say, and what legal steps are required to make the split official.

KEYS TO A SUCCESSFUL DIVORCE DURING DEPLOYMENT

sbmedearisesq@msn.com (Steven Medearis) — Wed, 14 Jun 2017 00:00:00 GMT

Getting divorced in any situation can be difficult, but deployment can make things even trickier. You may be concerned about how you will handle the process in California, but there are several things you can do to make your divorce simple and successful. We at the Law Office of Steven Medearis are committed to helping you fight for your rights during divorce, even if you are deployed.

According to Military.com, it is a good idea to get copies of all financial records while you are still married. This includes car payments, housing costs and other monthly bills. You will need to provide the court with records of how much it will cost for you and your spouse to separately run your households.

Having copies of all bank, retirement and investment accounts can prevent any accusations of hiding money and illustrate exactly how much money you have to the court. You can never have too much information.

Enrolling in counseling before divorce is another good idea. You will likely be able to qualify for free counseling services through your military benefits and can be prepared on how to help your children emotionally and mentally handle the transition.

In many states, you will need to be separated for a certain amount of time before a divorce can be finalized. Deployment can complicate this requirement, but there may be ways to ensure that you will be able to include the deployment in your separation time. For more information on this topic , please visit our web page.

SUMMER CO-PARENTING TIPS

sbmedearisesq@msn.com (Steven Medearis) — Wed, 07 Jun 2017 00:00:00 GMT

Divorced or separated parents in California may look at the summer vacation months as additional challenges when it comes to their co-parenting relationships. While working with a former spouse can be a tough thing at any time, the routine and structure provided by the school year can simplify things in some ways. With the unstructured days of summer can come greater chance for conflict. How can parents prevent this?

Our Family Wizard suggests that parents remember one of the cardinal rules of co-parenting and that is to not compete with each other. This is perhaps one of the central tenets of working collaboratively with a former spouse for the good of the kids and it holds true during summer vacation as well as the rest of the year. Part of how people can do this is to respectfully plan ahead and communicate their vacation and other wishes to each other positively. This gives each parent appropriate time to make plans for their time with the kids.

Coparently also indicates that getting the input of the children when it comes to summer activities whether that be a vacation or a camp may help them as well. Especially older children may need to have some level of ownership in what they are doing over summer.

Because many summer activiites for kids involve costs out of the ordinary, parents are encouraged to discuss their budgets for camps and more ahead of time to prevent last-minute issues that then negatively impact the kids and their expected summer plans.

PRENUPS FOR BLENDED FAMILIES

sbmedearisesq@msn.com (Steven Medearis) — Tue, 30 May 2017 00:00:00 GMT

If you are one of the many divorced parents in California who has found a new love again, you no doubt may feel as though the future is once again bright. Certainly that is important especially if you and your new partner are looking to formalize your relationship by getting married. However, before you rush in and take your vows, CNBC suggests that stepping back and putting a good prenuptial agreement in place is important for your kids.

Before you dismiss the idea of a prenup as unromantic, consider that this type of contract may not need to be just about protecting you from another potential divorce but it may also protect your children and your future stepchildren. If your children are young, it is essential that you ensure they can be financially cared for if you die early. If your children are older and maybe even have children of their own, you may want to make sure that certain assets, especially treasured family heirlooms, go to them after you die. If you do not outline these things in writing, you cannot guarantee that this will happen.

Creating a prenuptial agreement before a second or subsequent marriage also forces couples to talk openly about finances which can be a big source of stress in marriages. This may actualy benefit your relationship.

If you would like to learn more about the many benefits of marital contracts for blended families, please feel free to visit the prenuptial agreement page of our California family law website.

ARE POSTNUPTIALS OR PRENUPTIALS BETTER?

sbmedearisesq@msn.com (Steven Medearis) — Thu, 25 May 2017 00:00:00 GMT

As a couple in California, you likely don't want to consider either a postnuptial or a prenuptial agreement when you're first starting out in your relationship. To many, the latter can seem like a sign of distrust, and the former means that irreconcilable disagreements have already occurred. However, the potential of divorce is a reality every couple faces, and it's wise to provide yourself with a financial safety net.

There are many different arguments for and against prenuptial agreements. However, postnuptials are much less controversial for obvious reasons. By the time you hit the stage of wanting a postnuptial, there likely isn't much left you can do to try saving your marriage. Today.com even states that postnups are good if you "ran out of time" for a prenuptial agreement, inferring that it can be solid as a backup or emergency plan to help protect your financial situation .

While postnuptials certainly have their place in divorce proceedings, it's possible for prenuptials to be a less stressful solution to a problem that may not even occur. Generally speaking, it's better to prepare for potential worst-case scenarios so that you aren't caught off guard if they do happen. If you get into a messy divorce, you could find yourself losing important items or large sums of money to either the court battle, or following court orders. Deciding who gets what beforehand can save you a lot of heartache and headache later on.

No matter what option you choose, communication is key. Even if it's not something you want to think about, your future will certainly be easier if you and your partner are both on the same page in regard to either postnuptial or prenuptial agreements.

HOW MUCH SHOULD YOUR CHILD KNOW ABOUT YOUR DIVORCE?

sbmedearisesq@msn.com (Steven Medearis) — Tue, 16 May 2017 00:00:00 GMT

One question that comes almost immediately to divorcing couples in California is: should we tell our kids? And if so, what should we tell them? Some may consider softening the blow by telling half-truths, but in the end, this may do more harm than you intended.

Today's Parent has a guide for breaking the news of divorce to children of varying ages, because different age groups will handle the information differently. However, it's important to note that children have an uncanny ability to detect things that are amiss around them. Even if you think you can sneak something past them, they will most likely be able to tell that something's going on. Avoid the potential of creating mistrust by being straight-forward about the situation - or as straight-forward as possible, given their age.

It's also important to understand the thought process of your child's general age group and tailor what you say accordingly. For example, very young children won't understand the longer-reaching or more vague implications of a divorce. Breaking the situation down into simplistic, easily-digested chunks is the best way for you to convey the most important parts of your message to your child. Older children, by contrast, will be able to handle more nuanced explanations.

However and whenever you choose to tell your child about the divorce is up to you. Just keep in mind that many experts agree it's better to tell them sooner rather than later, and that there is no "one size fits all" explanation that can be used to the same effect on every single child.

WHEN YOUR SPOUSE CAN'T LIVE ANOTHER DAY WITH YOUR MILITARY CAREER

sbmedearisesq@msn.com (Steven Medearis) — Thu, 11 May 2017 00:00:00 GMT

The demands that are made on a military family are difficult. Military spouses and children have to live with their service member being away for months at a time. Even when they are home, they might be pulled away to stand duty at any given time.

Ultimately, some military spouses can't handle the demands of this lifestyle. This is sad for the service member who is only trying to provide for the family. If you are a service member who is facing divorce , you should think about these points.

Retirement pay considerations

Not all service members are working toward retirement from the military. If you are one of the ones who are working toward this, you should think about how the divorce will impact your retirement pay . The amount of time you were married and the amount of time you've been in the service matter here. If you have been married for 10 years and in the military for 10 years and the overlap period for both is 10 years, your soon-to-be ex would be able to get direct payments for his or her share of your retirement pay through the Defense Finance and Accounting Service. It is up to the court that handles the divorce to decide what, if any, retirement pay your ex is entitled to receive.

Child custody matters

Child custody is a big issue in military divorces. Often, service members think that they can't pursue custody of their children. This is a big myth. As long as you have a family care plan that is properly executed and approved by your commanding officer, there isn't any reason to think that you wouldn't be able to try to get custody of your children. Make sure that your plan covers short-term and long-term assignments so that you have all your bases covered.

Flexible visitation is possible

If you end up not having primary custody of your child, you will have to figure out visitation schedules. The good thing about these is that they aren't as strict as what they were in the past. You can work out a flexible arrangement that lets you meet your military obligations while still remaining a central part of your child's life. Even when you are deployed, you can still have visits thanks to virtual methods of visitation. Virtual visitation can allow your child to video chat with you on a regular basis. You could use this time to help with homework, catch up on important events or even read a bedtime story.

HOW CAN A QDRO HELP ME?

sbmedearisesq@msn.com (Steven Medearis) — Wed, 10 May 2017 00:00:00 GMT

If you are getting divorced in California, you may think that the state's community property laws might make divvying up your assets and debts easy. That may not necessarily be so. You and your spouse will still have to agree on many things throughout the process. Even once you have made an agreement on who will receive what, you may have to pay special attention to how you execute some elements of your agreement.

A good example of this is if you will be splitting the assets in a 401K account. Simply outlining the terms of the asset split in your divorce settlement is not enough. You may need to have a qualified domestic relations order if you want to avoid paying unnecessary early withdrawal penalties and taxes on the distributions taken from your 401K and given to your former spouse. The United States Department of Labor explains that a QDRO is the legal means by which you can onestablish another person as a payee your 401K account .

By having a QDRO in place, you may be able to have money paid directly to your partner. They will then assume the tax responsibility for any money received as well. Taxes may be avoided by them if they choose to reinvest the money into another retirement account.

This information is not intended to provide legal advice but is instead meant to give divorcing California spouses an idea of what a qualified domestic relations order is and when it may benefit them to have one.

SPOUSAL SUPPORT: HOW IT WORKS

sbmedearisesq@msn.com (Steven Medearis) — Mon, 08 May 2017 00:00:00 GMT

Couples considering divorce in California should be aware of the laws surrounding spousal support, or alimony as it is frequently known. This issue can cause divorces to get heated, so it is important to understand. According to the Huffington Post, spousal support is determined by a judge after considering both spouses’ gross monthly income. This includes not only monthly salary, but also dividends from investments, payments from trusts, bonuses and royalty payments as well. The amount of support is automatically determined in an online calculator, but the court considers other factors as well.

The length of marriage is paramount in spousal support arrangements in the Golden State, as marriages lasting more than 10 years may have long-term alimony payments, sometimes there is no end date. Marriages that are ended before the 10-year mark will not last more than half the length of a marriage, so an eight-year marriage ending in divorce could have payments lasting four years. Courts also look at the earning potential of both spouses, the ability of one spouse to continue supporting the other, and the lifestyle both spouses were accustomed to in marriage.

This is a contentious issue for many, and in fact in 2015, the Los Angeles Times reported that a California businessman was trying to get an initiative on the ballot specifically to change the spousal support laws . It was the long-term payments that inspired him to work to reform the law, which he learned about after his 25-year marriage ended in divorce, resulting in payments of $1,000 each month.

THE STEPS OF FILING A RESTRAINING ORDER

sbmedearisesq@msn.com (Steven Medearis) — Mon, 24 Apr 2017 00:00:00 GMT

Residents of California who are facing abusive situations may consider filing for a restraining order against their abuser. These orders may protect a person from physical, mental or emotional harm by disallowing the abuser from coming into contact with them. Several steps must be followed in order to request a restraining order.

The California Courts have step by step instructions showing a person how to request a restraining order and what will be necessary to do so. This includes getting all necessary documents together and filing them and the request with the court, serving the papers, and preparing for a court hearing. Naturally, it's the latter that most people have the most difficulty with, especially since it means seeing their abuser in court. However, once that initial hurdle has been passed and the restraining order has been obtained, it can lead to a bigger sense of security and comfort.

Meanwhile, the Superior Court of California offers a selection of frequently asked questions for abuse sufferers to browse through which might help them in their specific case. This includes discussion about possible fees, what types of forms will be needed, where these forms must be filed, and how long it generally takes for a restraining order to be served.

While all of these steps can make the process seem too lengthy for some, especially those who feel rushed or panicked, they still must be followed. The more closely a person pays attention to the necessary steps, the faster they can get through the process, as it's highly likely that fewer mistakes will be made.

GRAY DIVORCE 101

sbmedearisesq@msn.com (Steven Medearis) — Thu, 20 Apr 2017 00:00:00 GMT

Although divorce rates have been falling across the country, California residents over 50 are not seeing this dip, which is part of an overall national trend being called “gray divorce.” In fact, according to the Los Angeles Times, nearly 15 percent of divorces come from couples who are over 50 years old. This is a dramatic spike, much of which has been attributed to increased longevity and longer-lasting health, putting a troubled marriage at risk for a longer amount of time than in years past.

If an older couple is facing divorce, there are different issues to consider. According to U.S. News, women are often more at risk in a late divorce due to likely earning less or perhaps being out of the workforce. For those considering divorce, experts advise compiling important documents in advance so assets are at less risk of being hidden from division. It is important to remember that in a divorce, “income is halved, while expenses double.” This may mean that keeping a family home is not in one’s best financial interest.

Women also live longer than men, on average, so considering the best financial course to ensure that money will not run out during retirement is of the utmost concern in a gray divorce. For wives who are granted spousal support, or alimony, it is possible to purchase life insurance on a spouse before a divorce is finalized. This insurance policy will protect against losing a necessary source of income, but this will require a medical exam on the part of the spouse being insured.

DOMESTIC ABUSE CAN RUIN A MILITARY CAREER

sbmedearisesq@msn.com (Steven Medearis) — Mon, 10 Apr 2017 00:00:00 GMT

Domestic violence accusations have the potential to end your career in the military. Often, the allegations have little to no truth to them, but that doesn't stop the damage to your reputation. Comparatively, if the abuser in this situation is a civilian, there's nothing the military can do itself other than to allow the civilian authorities to investigate the incident.

If you're a victim, the military can bar civilians from military installations, which can help protect you against abuse. If you're accused, on the other hand, then you'll face either the military justice system or the family advocacy system.

Which program is better for your career if you're accused?

The Family Advocacy System is better in some ways, because it helps identify domestic abuse, intervenes in that abuse and provides treatment. Instead of working as a system of punishment, it's a treatment system. The Family Advocacy Committee may determine that there is substantiated abuse in your relationship, but if there is not enough legally admissible evidence, then you can't be penalized through the military justice system.

Understand that if you speak to someone in the Family Advocacy System , you will not have the right of confidentiality that you would in other situations due to your military standing. Instead, if evidence or statements are gathered, those can be used against you during military justice proceedings.

Generally speaking, you'll be asked to move into a dormitory or the barracks until a Family Advocacy investigation is completed if you're accused of domestic violence on the military base. If a military protective order is issued, you'll have no allowed contact with your spouse.

After the investigation is complete, you'll be told if the case was substantiated, suspected or unsubstantiated. If it was unsubstantiated, nothing further occurs. If it's suspected, your case will undergo continued investigation for up to 12 weeks. If it's substantiated, then it means the investigation found evidence of abuse.

It's possible for you to lose your place in the military and to face a discharge if you're found guilty of domestic abuse. If you're convicted, the 1996 Lautenberg Amendment to the Gun Control Act of 1968 states that you may no longer possess a firearm, and it's able to be enforced against military personnel. This essentially ends your career.

It's important that you have the right to defend yourself if you're accused of domestic violence in the military. Your future may depend on the outcome of your case.

WHAT ARE TOP OVER-50 DIVORCE CONCERNS?

sbmedearisesq@msn.com (Steven Medearis) — Sun, 09 Apr 2017 00:00:00 GMT

For many years now, there has been much talk about how the number of people getting divorced over the age of 50 is growing. This is true in California as it is elsewhere in the country. If you are one of the many people in their 50s or 60s facing an impending divorce, you should take this opportunity to carefully evaluate the many ways in which this life event will affect you financially at this stage of your life.

Forbes explains that certainly retirement planning and savings will be a top priority for you when divorcing just prior to or even after retiring. In addition to looking at what you and your spouse have saved in 401Ks, individual retirement accounts or other funds, you will also want to understand the value of those accounts now and in the long term. Some may have already been taxed while others will be taxed when you receive distributions. This seemingly minor difference can make a big difference in your bank account.

Insurance needs and costs may surface and add to your living expenses if you had health insurance through your spouse before and are now on the hook for it yourself, especially if you do not have access to employer-sponsored insurance. Social Security benefits should also be reviewed for potential income opportunities.

This information is not intended to provide legal advice but is instead meant to give divorcing California spouses an idea of the many things they should evaluate if they are getting divorced in their 50s or beyond.

DOES CALIFORNIA HAVE AN UNDERAGE MARRIAGE PROBLEM?

sbmedearisesq@msn.com (Steven Medearis) — Wed, 05 Apr 2017 00:00:00 GMT

While divorce rates saw a decline over the past year, marriages still have a 50/50 chance of lasting. People marry for a variety of reasons at various ages that affect the success or failure of marriage.

Underage marriages are a category that significantly contributes to more marital dissolutions. Those unions are higher than average in California, tying Tennessee at sixth in the U.S.

A Pew Research Center study in November 2016 revealed a rate of 5.5 out of every 1,000 15 to 17-year-olds in California are married. The national average is 4.6. Results also show that up to 1,000 underage children are married each year in the Golden State.

California law requires written permission from a single parent or legal guardian followed by an interview with a Family Court Services counselor. Pre-marital counseling may be an option. All the information is then sent to a judge to review who decides to issue a court order approving the union.

If Sen. Jerry Hill, D-San Mateo, has his way, no one under 18 will get married regardless of adults who would endorse the decision. The lawmaker is introducing a bill to ban under-18 marriages in California. He is backing the bill to protect minors and women’s rights in the state, even those from cultures and faiths associated with arranged marriages.

In other cases, minors are also marrying due to certain circumstances, most commonly having a child or joining the military.

Hill claims that the practice involving children is immoral. They do not have the maturity to commit at that level. He also cites the living conditions couples endure, not to mention the high rate of divorce .

WHO GETS THE FAMILY PET?

sbmedearisesq@msn.com (Steven Medearis) — Mon, 03 Apr 2017 00:00:00 GMT

When a husband and wife decide to divorce, children are often caught in the middle of custody disputes. They are often used as pawns in games of retribution with one spouse using emotional attachments to gain leverage.

However, other family members are also trapped between two warring factions.

Family pets or, as some owners would say, "furry children."

Depending on the species of course.

While courts once saw dogs, cats and other animals as personal property, a paradigm shift continues to evolve. State lawmakers have heard the cries of advocacy groups who want family law courts to consider the best interests of pets.

Approximately 15 years ago, the calls for action were heard. Courts began to consider the impact that divorce had on pets. Judges awarded shared custody, visitation and alimony payments to pet owners. States also began allowing estates and trusts to provide for animals following the deaths of their "parents."

The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers conducted a study in 2014. Their findings showed a 27 percent increase in pet custody cases over the previous five years. Judges considering pets as assets in divorce grew by 20 percent. Cases are not just limited to the traditional cat and dog. The survey showed an iguana, parrot, python and turtle involved in a "tug of war" over custody.

The Last Frontier is leading the way in pet-related matters in family court. Alaska is the first state to formalize pet custody, a law that took effect this past January. Courts are now allowed to factor in the well-being of the animal, legally defined as a "vertebrate living creature not a human being."

DIGITAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: A TRAGIC TREND (PART 2)

sbmedearisesq@msn.com (Steven Medearis) — Wed, 29 Mar 2017 00:00:00 GMT

Nothing can take away the embarrassment and trauma following the discovery of "revenge porn," a sinister form of domestic abuse within a relationship. A victim seeing nonconsensual pornographic images where they are the subject may initially feel that options are limited.

However, thanks to a growing movement over the past several years, consequences exist for abusers beyond civil lawsuits and restraining orders.

In 2012, only three states had laws on the books that criminalized nonconsensual pornography. Today, that number has increased to 35 states and Washington D.C.

Punishments vary. Some states categorize the offense as a privacy issue. Others classify it as a form of sexual assault. Felony charges could lead to significant jail time. Misdemeanor convictions would carry less severe consequences.

While in the minority, the remaining 15 states without criminal laws for revenge porn are cause for concern. They do little, if anything to help digital domestic abuse victims seeking justice.

The Cyber Civil Rights Initiative (CCRI) in conjunction with Facebook, Twitter and other organizations is working with California Rep. Jackie Speier to draft a federal bill that would criminalize nonconsensual pornography nationwide.

If enacted, the Intimate Privacy Protection Act would make it a federal crime to "distribute a private, visual depiction of a person's intimate parts or of a person engaging in sexually explicit conduct" without their consent. Offenders face a maximum five years in prison, sentencing comparable to sexual abuse and stalking.

CCRI is also working on a separate federal bill making the mere threat to release images a crime. Currently, those cases are prosecuted under extortion or threat statutes.

DIGITAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: A TRAGIC TREND (PART 1)

sbmedearisesq@msn.com (Steven Medearis) — Mon, 27 Mar 2017 00:00:00 GMT

Four clicks.

That is how long it takes to upload a photo on Facebook. Posting a picture or two online is easy, even for social media novices. However, a sinister offshoot of this activity is making life difficult for the subjects of these photos.

Nonconsensual pornography has made headlines with celebrities robbed of the limited privacy they have. Better known as "revenge porn," it is not exclusive to the rich and famous.

The term is actually a misnomer. "Revenge porn" is not about revenge, but power. Anyone who shares sensitive images to those they trust often find themselves the victims of a malicious form of abuse beyond or in addition to physical, psychological and emotional.

Digital abuse is a form of domestic violence that can have an equally serious impact on a victim's mental health.

Various studies reveal alarming statistics:

Ninety percent of victims are women (Cyber Civil Rights Initiative)
Out of 5,000 adults, 57 percent of single men and 45 percent of single women have received explicit photos through "sexting." (Match.com)
Thirty-eight percent of single men and 35 percent of single women have sent their own "sexts." (Match.com)
One in ten ex-partners have threatened to share private photos of their ex online. Sixty percent follow through. (McAfee)

As with all forms of abuse, offenders use this online form of manipulation to control and intimidate a partner. They distribute the photos by uploading them on social media sites, using the victims name to create an imposter profile.

Others use pornography websites who have "revenge porn" categories. In addition to the images, abusers provide their victims' real names, email and physical addresses, phone numbers and other information.

Even more troubling, nonconsensual pornography is often a symptom of existing abuse. Pictures are taken or shared under pressure or by deception. The intimate images remain as a "Sword of Damocles" over the heads of victims should they wish to leave their relationships.

A sliver of promise exists for victims. Nonconsensual pornography is being criminalized across the United States, a topic we will cover in our next post.

WOULD PARENTING BE EASIER IF PARENTS GOT A DIVORCE?

sbmedearisesq@msn.com (Steven Medearis) — Fri, 17 Mar 2017 00:00:00 GMT

Sometimes it feels like there's not a single moment in your life to breathe. From the second the kids' eyes pop open in the wee hours of the morning to when they enjoy that after-dinner super-spin cycle, your head remains on a 360-degree swivel as you try to be the best parent possible.

Even when your spouse is home to help, there's all the pressure of finding enough time to support your marriage. Sometimes you look at your friends who are divorced and envy them their two weekends a month where the house is empty and they get to sleep. Sometimes you wonder: would it be simpler to leave behind the struggle of "marital bliss?"

Kids really do adjust

If you are staying together because you don't want to harm your children's mental and physical health by subjecting them to the trauma of a divorce, studies have shown that 80% of children who live with split families don't suffer from significantly more health issues than kids from a traditional home. It may feel like subjecting yourself to life as a domestic with no reward or rest in sight solely for the sake of the children is just unsustainable.

Finances can be a significant impediment

If you enter into a divorce settlement, there is the stark reality that family finances do tend to suffer as you now must support two homes instead of one. Even if you are tired and worn out while you're married, the struggle to put food on the table while divorced can be even more of a challenge. If the negatives will most certainly outweigh the positives, it's probably better to try and make the marriage work.

Are you overtired or abused?

Now, if your spouse is not providing the physical and emotional support that they promised to provide when you exchanged your vows, it really might be time to consider divorce. Surviving those first few years of parenthood is no small task, and it's even more difficult to work through if your partner is only coming home to be fed and washed, just like the children.

Equally important is that if physical and emotional abuse are also part of the never-ending torment, it is time to act for the future health the entire family. Simple survival can't be a path forward. The quality of your family's life depends on the quality of yours.

Joint custody brings its own challenges

Even if you do end up divorced, your role as a parent will likely remain just as demanding as before as you work through weekend visits, holidays with the other side of the family and disagreements over proms, college funds and important health issues. While the idea of sending the kids to your ex's for the weekend might sound like a fast way to refueling your sleep deprived self, it's not an easy solution.

If you are struggling with your marriage, consider reaching out to a counselor or attorney well versed in family law for assistance and advice. A quick phone call really can make a big difference.

EVEN RICH PEOPLE HAVE TROUBLE KEEPING UP SUPPORT PAYMENTS

sbmedearisesq@msn.com (Steven Medearis) — Tue, 28 Feb 2017 00:00:00 GMT

Superstar athletes struggle too

Just recently Robert Meachem, a wide-receiver for the New Orleans Saints, was sent to jail for failing to meet his obligations for family support. In the eyes of the working public, it seems inconceivable that a star athlete who earns seven or eight figures a year would manage to misplace so much cash he couldn't cut a check for his kids' food and clothing. But that is exactly what happened. Apparently signing on the line for a big contract doesn't come with a magic money management degree.

Meachem spent 3 days in jail because he failed to pay his ex-wife almost $400,000 in child and spousal support payments. Although he eventually secured his release from jail, he had to cough up at least $100,000 first. If he hadn't, he would have had to serve a full 30 days.

Meachem was already late on previous payments, which put him in contempt of court. He had been given a second chance to meet that obligation but failed to do so, which landed him in jail. He had testified earlier that he hadn't been paying attention to his bank balances.

Ask for assistance before it's too late

If you are looking at your bank account and aren't sure that you'll be able to keep up with all the bills, it might be time to reach out for some financial advice. It might surprise you that your attorney that helped you work through the divorce is a good place to start when looking for help.

Many divorcees need to undergo a serious adjustment in lifestyle and simply learning the basics of balancing the checkbook when they have separated from the spouse who took care of that little detail in the past. When you take the first step by telling your attorney you are struggling, it could end up helping the entire family in the long run.

Solid financial budgeting ensures your children are cared for

A financial advisor will sit down with you and review all your income, support payments, and other expenditures. They can provide an objective view of what kinds of extras you can actually afford, those that might need to be put aside for a time, and services that may just be eating a hole in your account with no real benefit to the cost.

Meanwhile, if you are going to be late with a support payment, maintaining an open path of communication between you and your family can protect you from further legal actions. Just remember that even if you have led a successful life and enjoyed many of its perks in the past, you aren't the first person to stumble with financial control when you filed for divorce. It's time to put your life back on track and contact your family law attorney and a financial advisor.

When your divorce was finalized and the judge determined how much you would be paying to your spouse and children for support, it appeared to at least make some sense. Your income, expenses and bank account all looked like you'd be able to maintain your lifestyle while seeing to your obligations.

Yet just a couple years down the line you might be wondering where all the money went. This isn't uncommon, even for people with a sizable income. Even celebrities have trouble with support payments.

CAN A DIVORCING SPOUSE GET A PART OF MY MILITARY PENSION?

sbmedearisesq@msn.com (Steven Medearis) — Fri, 27 Jan 2017 00:00:00 GMT

If you are a military member, you know that a divorce filing can be devastating. What you may not be aware of is that a divorce can affect your military pension. You may be curious about what rules apply to your military pension and how much you may have to give up. Keep reading for an account of what you need to know.

What rules apply to my military pension?

The Uniformed Services Former Spouses' Protection Act (USFSPA) allows a portion of a pension to go to an ex-spouse as a part of a state court's divorce order. The act does not automatically entitle an ex-spouse to the military pension but instead designates it as dividable income during a divorce case.

If a divorce order splits a military pension, either the military member or the Defense Finance and Accounting Service (DFAS) will be responsible for paying it. The DFAS uses a list of criteria, known as the 10/10 rule, to determine who pays the pension. If the pension does not qualify for the 10/10 rule, the military member is responsible for paying it.

The 10/10 rule criteria are:

The couple must have a marriage for at least 10 years.
The military member must serve for at least 10 years during the marriage.

How much of my pension will my ex-spouse receive?

You may wonder how much of your military pension will go to your ex-spouse in a divorce. The USFSPA does not specify how much of a pension will go to a divorcing spouse but instead relies on the state courts to decide.

For example, the formula used by California does not take into account disability pay but focuses on the length of military services and the overlapping marriage. Most state laws are different and it is important to consult with an attorney for clarification. One important rule across all states is that an ex-spouse can only receive up to 50% of a military pension, except in a few specific circumstances.

A military pension can be a large amount of income and losing a portion of it can affect your quality of life. A knowledgeable military divorce attorney can explain what state and federal laws apply to your case and if your pension is at stake. Time is a factor in divorce proceedings, so speaking with an attorney earlier can help you secure your future.